saya terlupa suatu perkara tentang blog ini. saya terlupa yang saya menulis bukan kerana inginkan orang membaca tulisan saya. oleh itu saya selalu sukar hendak memulakan penulisan ketika kepala berat memikirkan apa yang orang hendak baca. yang sebenarnya saya jadi buntu kalau menumpu kepada kehendak orang. tiada nilai kreatif yang mampu dipancut jika menulis kerana mahu di baca.

sekarang saya ingatkan diri. saya menulis kerana kegiatan ini adalah terapi terbaik ketika saya gundah, ketika mengelamun dan melayang jauh dari ingatan-ingatan tentang keabadian dan akar pokok-pokok yang mati.

tapi inilah masalahnya bila menulis sekadar untuk melepaskan gian.

saya tak faham anda pun tak faham.


Me as a Chinese

Everywhere I go I see buildings owned by my race. When I ride a bus or walk down the street I see luxury cars drove by my race and driven on the road named after one of my fellow race member. After that I went shopping and all shops have member of my race in it. It does not stop there, all vacancy appeared to have “speak Chinese” which means if you are not Chinese you better not apply for that job.

I usually spend my day walking from school to home and when I arrived at home I’ll turn on the TV. In the TV I see advertisement selling things from companies that are owned by my race and were promoted by some people who look like my race. My mom is angry at me for watching TV saying that any amount of time spent on TV will not help me in my exam because I need to score because my mom said it will be hard for me to get in the university due to my race.

So I study hard and score with flying colors. Many of my friends did not get to study in the public universities so they went abroad. Some reluctantly chose UTAR because they have no other choice. but there are friends that didn’t get to go anywhere. So they complained and as far as I concern, people in this country like it when member of my race complain about something. They say only few media that didn’t publish their issues and they were frustrated by that. And as for me, my parent was so happy that I get in the public University because it was cheap. But I am jealous to my friend that study abroad, they were so lucky.

In University I only mingle with member of my race because I feel comfortable with them. One day my friend told me that a Chinese police had mistakenly refer him as Malay. He was so mad as if the police was insulting him with vulgar words. And at this university I learn that one race is supreme than others including my race. For all this while I thought that I was born in the best race in the world but now that entire fake dream shattered. I tried to find the logic of this newly acquired knowledge but all I found was Malaysiakini.

Reading news on Malaysiakini made me horrified. It was like being Chinese means you are being oppressed by the supreme race. And I still don’t know the logic of other race supremacy over my race. I mean we own the land, the economy, the education and almost everything but still we are not supreme over other race.

Nonetheless I don’t have to ask why I want my race to reign supreme, I am a Chinese that’s what I do. Because then when I start to ask question like these, many people will pay attention. Unlike the Malays for when they speaks it will easily regarded as racist statement. Poor them.

**On the time this text is written, a group is about to organize ‘say sorry day’ for a Chinese guy. He was apprehended in Singapore for possession of drug just like three other Malay girls who have been locked up abroad in China, Japan and Australia. But once again, poor them, nobody really care about Malays.


mengorat bagi yang jahil

saya sedang memulakan rangka kerja menulis yang akan dilakukan sepanjang cuti semester kelak. siapa saya? saya adalah beberapa ketulan teks yang terapung di ruang maya.